Things I wish I had done before becoming a mum.

I have been thinking about this since, well, Louis was born in 2007, and for me it really comes down to two things - how I would have spent my time differently, and how I would have spent my money differently.

Indeed, hindsight is blindingly clear - how many times at any stage in life have we said to ourselves "if only I had known then what I know now, I would have done things differently"? I sincerely hope that when it comes to how I have made the big decisions in my life, that I will not go down that particular path of torture. However there are definitely things I wish I had done before becoming a mother, and they my friends, are outlined below:

1. Gone Skydiving

I really don't think I would do this now, or else I will wait until the kids have left home. The reason this features as something I am reluctant to do now (rather than swim in a cage with sharks) is that the margin for error leaves absolutely no hope of survival. 'Chute doesn't open? No recovering from that!

2. Climbed Mt Everest

I so so so want to do this and wish I had focused on this dream a bit more when I was sans kids. For the same reasons I have with regards to Sky-Diving, the margin for error is unforgiving. In addition, this also falls into 'how I would have spent (or saved) my money differently" camp. I still have this as a goal but think that given the prep work involved, the money involved and the time involved away from the children, it will also be more likely to happen when they have left home.

3. Spent my money more wisely

Having said that, there isn't one night out that I didn't regret!

4. Saved my money more wisely

Surely I could have saved for a deposit for a flat and lived in it before marrying and thus having a nice little nest egg! Ah, hindsight, you cursed thing!

5. Spent holidays overseas doing volunteer work

I actually don't know what I was busy doing before I had children! (but I suspect this is a common thought amongst those of us who are caring for dependents be they children or parents). But I would have loved to have spent a month in Vietnam helping build villages, live frugally and learning to cook like a master with coriander and chilli!

6. Had my teeth whitened and fixed

This is partly vanity, partly a genuine dental wish. I haven't seen a dentist for over 10 years, and I KNOW there are holes and chips that need fixing. Some have developed since having children (apparently this can happen in that your teeth can get soft as a result of becoming a mother) but some could have clearly been fixed pre-children. Having them whitened is vain I suppose, but this also falls into the 'wish I had spent my money more wisely' camp, in that all the friends I have who have had it done look fantastic and feel fantastic, and as every mother knows, there is no price you can put on that!

7. Gone to a major sporting even overseas - there is nothing like being in another country during a major sporting event. Personally, I should have hired a chalet in France for a couple of months whilst the Tour de France was on (thanks to my wiley investments) and had a completely awesome european summer sipping France's finest and eating stinky cheese. Bon!

Clearly I have had to put some things on the back-burner, but I am also very very aware that there has been another world I am now a part of that has opened up some pretty amazing experiences for me. Children's birthday parties! The politics of gift-giving! How to avoid being pigeon-holed into being either a yummy mummy or a slummy mummy! (I am neither, I am simply me). And I am sure there are some other experiences to come that I would never have been privvy to in my child-less state (reliving puberty through your children! where to put the shotgun when the first boyfriends start visiting!).

What have been some of the things you would have done before children?

Rainy days and sunshine

As any carer would tell you, rainy days and small children (or insert any other dependent here) are the testiest of bed-fellows.

Firstly there is the realisation that yes, you will all be spending indoors together. A wise old woman once said to me that if you feel your house is small, put in a cow for a week, then take out the cow and hey presto! House feels bigger. However this is one situation where I could cheerfully wring old ladies neck!!! (for starters, where would I get a cow in the middle of Sydney???)

Once the shock and awe has sunk in and that initial burst of adrenelin has worn off, the brain needs (coffee) to kick into gear and try to sort out what on earth we will be doing today.

This is where the electronic nanny aka TV comes in handy. I put it on for half-an-hour whilst I clean up breakfast dishes, have a shower and ponder some more on the situation I am in. Clearly I also spend some time in the shower praying for a miracle and that the sun will come out. No such luck today I am afraid... However a few ideas have presented themselves. They are:

1. Playdough. Start with the most painful. Messy - yes, fun - yes. Scheduled for a pre-lunch appearance.

2. Music and dancing - not messy at all, loads of fun, great way to burn off some of their energy - big tick there! Will do this after lunch and before sleeps.

3. Colouring in - messy - yes, fun - yes. My children also seem to require my attendance (secretly I love colouring in so I don't mind) so this is a nice post-sleep activity to keep everyone settled.

4. Toy rotation. Thank goodness I have toys in boxes that I can take away and re-introduce at will. We are due for a rotation so this will be an excellent way to stretch out their attention in the afternoon. AND if I do the rotation while they are asleep, then it will be an even MORE exciting time for them when they wake up

5. Wet Weather Adventure - hunt down gumboots, raincoats, umbrella's and get some fresh air - albeit slightly wet fresh air. This should only be attempted if one is in good humour and high spirits because you just KNOW that they will return home with wet feet, damp hair and maybe a little sniffle. Neither of them have anything seriously wrong with their health, so def prepared to risk this option so I can a) get a coffee from a SHOP and b) get us out and about to break up the day.

6. Cooking. Cupcakes always a winner, not always well mixed but having the children help cook really does make a huge difference to their understanding of food and meals.

...but hark, what is that I see out the window? The postman delivering my online goodies? No? Ah! it is some blue sky! Looks like we will get some outside time today after all. Now that is a lovely bit of sunshine for us all :)

Great Websites for those wanting to unleash their inner-interior-decorator

Renovating a house has many many trials...but lets face it, it is also an opportunity to look at those gorgeous, glossy house magazines and actually realise that you will also have the opportunity to work on a blank space and stamp your mark on it.

So - far from being overwhelmed by the task at hand, I have decided to embrace my inner-interior-designer (iid) and devote hours upon hours to the crucial task (some would read "waste of time") of ensuring my own little patch looks less like a sterile magazine catalogue, and more like a place where I can be surprised and delighted with the things that I have decided to surround myself with. And I don't think it matters if objects don't "match" in that cutesy-Martha-Stewart-matchy-matchy way. As long as you select things for your home that you love, then that will be the standard continuum that connects them all.

SO:
Websites I have trowled in search of inspiration, whimsy and delight for the house include:

www.etsy.com
This is an outstanding website that defies description, but is like a global network of artisans who craft their goods by hand and then sell on the internet. Beautiful stuff, you could spend DAYS on this site. My pick at the moment is the vinyl decals that will be more than likely adding that bit of whimsy to a frosted glass door and the frosted glass wall in the upstairs bathroom.

http://www.haveyoumetmissjones.com.au/aboutUs.htm
Great aussie design store that has the ex-Australian MD of Diesel sourcing gorgeous objects d'art for the home. Speciality items are the white porcelein figurines, dishes, lamps and vases. Just gorgeous. And well priced too.

www.cocorepublic.com.au
ok, not sure if I will ever actually BUY anything from here - it is not cheap - but it showcases fantastic furniture and accessories from global brands (think Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Martha Stewart), and is a good starting point to get an idea of what you like. Here is hoping their sales are worth it.

Bedtimes

I have never been a fan of this time of night.
It gets me all wound up and manic and jittery and wishing for the crying, tantrums and unsettled-ness to pass so I can have a nice glass of wine.

No wonder so many mothers are alcoholics.

Amazing websites for Shopping - Toys and Gifts

Here is a list of websites that I have found very useful when searching for that perfect gift. I imagine most people have relatives that live interstate of overseas, and shopping online is a good option as you can do it all at the click of a button. The challenge is being happy with what you buy without feeling the need to actually touch and feel.

These sites are worth signing up to with regards to getting newsletters as they often have excellent sales and it can be a great way to save time and money. Especially if you buy well and truly before christmas - then you save the headaches and hassle associated with Shopping-Mall-World and Customer-Freakout-Frenzy!

http://www.iqtoys.com.au/
Another great website - quick delivery, great range, everyone is covered!I have used them to great success in the past and their gift wrapping is excellent.

http://www.dealsdirect.com.au/
A bit hit and miss but has Fisher Price toys at a good price so worth a look. Also has some random high end products come through occasionally - like Krosno crystal etc.

http://www.petersofkensington.com.au/
Lots of stuff here - mostly all good. Have a really lovely collection of gifts for children. Not so much toy focused however they do stock Lamaze etc.

http://www.thatsmytoy.com.au/
Great website - good quality toys including wooden and non-battery operated so you know you don't have to worry about getting batteries with every gift. Worth a mention are the bilibo's that usually retail for $40 but are on sale here for $30. They are a fantastic toy and a great for imaginative play.

http://www.booktopia.com.au/
http://www.fishpond.com.au/
Two great Australian websites that have oodles of books. Booktopia has fantastic book sales so I tend to buy up large. International sites for books include http://www.amazon.com/ and http://www.bookdepository.com/


http://www.ozsale.com.au/
A mixed bag here. Not necessarily good for gifts but sell items such as diesel shoes for $79, kids clothes from europe for a fraction of the price (absorba, just add sugar etc etc)

http://www.thekidsstore.com.au/a bit $$$ but nice stuff

http://www.danishbydesign.com.au/love love love this store but a bit $$$ too!

http://www.mooo.com.au/
Great custom made shirts and wooden boxes. Reasonably priced too. Great for unique gifts.

http://www.superduperinc.com/Default.aspx
This website, Super Duper Publications, states that it is for kids with special needs, and whilst you have a comprehensive range of items for children on the autism/aspergers spectrum, ADHD etc, the toys here are fabulous for the learning needs of any child.

www.metromum.com.au
great products, great sales, love this website

Amazing Websites for SHOPPING - Children's Clothes

Hahaha, have been meaning to do this for a while, and strongly encourage any followers to respond with any websites they feel offer mothers good value for money, great quality clothes, and that feeling that comes with having well-dressed children at a fraction of the price. Seriously, that feeling is emotional Prozac!!!

www.kawaiikids.com.au

A really nice quirky kids store based in Australia that offers a range of fun and interesting threads from Japan (mostly). Little things like leggings for kids (girls and boys) that have animal faces on the bum, lovely padded jackets, retro tees etc. Their price points are outstanding and are guaranteed to give your gorgeous little one some fashion nous without the pain.

http://www.jkonline.com.au/

Wow, this is a great site for staples. Again, not selling clothes that look mass produced but have the right colour palettes to match with what you have already got. They have amazing sales and offers so it is worth signing up for their newsletter. I bought the children (Actionman 3yo, Human Tornado 1yo) 2 pairs of tracksuit pants, and two hoodies each and it came to around $150 Australian. And the quality is excellent. The hoodies are lined in the hood and come in a variety of fabrics....but check it out yourself and be pleasantly surprised!

http://www.babygassygooma.com/index.html

Ok. Ignoring the fact that the girl models look kinda creepy ala the stepford wives (but for little girls), and clearly have toooooo much make up on....this is a lovely American website with some gorgeous clothes to feast your eyes on. The use of uniquely patterned materials and simple designs plus some amazing accessories would make any girly-girl swoon. The temptation is to not buy everything otherwise it is a bit OTT. However I am tempted to pick up needle and thread myself because surely it can't be that hard to make such beautiful clothes? Oh, and the cost may make you think that too :)

http://www.eoutlet4u.com/

Great site, a bit clunky in layout and design but that is not what you are paying for so who cares! This US site sells designer labels such as Ralph Lauren (girls dresses $US25), Nike etc etc. Range is being updated all the time, reviews on the site by customers are extremely positive, def worth a look if you are serious about getting some designer threads.

Auction sites worth looking at would be www.ebay.com.au and www.oztion.com.au.

I found shoes were good value up until your child reaches 2 years. I think this is because no child under 2 is likely to wear out their shoes or wear them for longer than 6 months (their feet grow so fast) so the condition of the shoe is much better - sometimes almost as new.

Then you have the plethora of kids markets that seem to be popping up everywhere which are definitely worth exploring. Bottom line is that there is no need to pay full price for kids clothes!

Websites that make me laugh

Shit my kids ruined - makes me feel good to know that other people's children are just as lively as mine (if not more so). Your parenting skills have absolutely no impact on the heat-seeking-missile-like focus children have when setting their minds to something.
http://www.shitmykidsruined.tumblr.com/

Huffington Post - good for a laugh, tends to be USA-centric but their picture galleries are great.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

This one is for you Emma:
http://itmademyday.com/2010/06/03/funny-win-stories-brandon/
Nice funny little bon mots.

...
that is it for now, but will add to the list when suitably funny sites are found.

In Sickness and In Health Part II

There are some words that should just never be uttered together.
Like Cheese in a Can. Chop-Chop Chicken. Tuna Milkshake. See, they are all wrong wrong wrong and make you feel a little bit off. But these are also a little bit funny and it would not be unusual for someone to barf yet laugh when they see them together.

Then there are the other word couplings that are really really gut-wrenching. Stomach-churning. At the completely other end of the spectrum and are so life-changing and shocking you really really don't want to see them together. At all. Ever.

Cancer and Children.

I am lucky in that I have never had to personally face the big C, and have never had anyone in my immediate family stand under that shadow. But that infamous 6-degrees-of-separation just became 1 degree when one of my closest and dearest friends dropped an absolute bombshell over the phone and told me her beautiful, cheeky, lively daughter had a malignant tumour and was being operated on in two days. I can't imagine how she actually got the strength to pick up the phone and start telling her family what her world has been forced to face.

My immediate reaction in situations of high stress is to laugh or cry - apparently physiologically there is no difference. This time I did neither. It was as if time stood still and so many thoughts flashed through my head. How would I feel if it was me? How unfair of this to happen to such a great family. How on earth do you explain to a three-year-old what is happening to them? How do you keep it together so they don't get scared? What happens to the dynamics of the family now? What about the other children, how will they cope? How do you keep yourself from thinking the worst and hoping for the best? What would I do if this happened to me? How do you keep from locking yourself in your room and just cry-cry-crying at the unfairness of it all?

It is early stages and as yet the cancer has no label. But this is the age of the internet and with that there should be a warning - google all you like but you may not like what comes back. To be honest, there is no liking what you see when you google cancer. And it is a bit black to then think to yourself "oh, I hope it is this one and not that one". You don't get a choice and you are a fool for thinking you do.

Then I had to face that strangest of moments when I was digesting this information - as unpaletable as all hell - and I hear the most gorgeous sound a mother can hear. Her children laughing and giggling and playing together. It was surreal - I was standing with all these thoughts in my head yet what I was seeing was the most beautiful sight. The most beautiful sound. And then I thought the worst thought ever, inevitable as it was. Thank god it wasn't happening to my child.

My dear friend, I am so sorry you are facing this challenge. I am sorry your world has just experienced a seismic shift and your foundation has turned to quicksand. And I am sorry I thought that thought. I feel like a traitor to our friendship and I just wish I could make everything ok. But I can't. All I can offer you is the knowledge that I will always be honest with you and not extol false platitudes. I meant it when I said to call any time. I need to know that I can help in some way, any way, to make up for this guilt that I feel.

And to make up for my anger that something like this is happening to such a wonderful family.

In Sickness and In Health Part I

There are many romantic notions about motherhood. Primary among them is the idea that once you have a child then the female body has finally done what it was born to do and you will be fitter and healthier than ever before.


Well, maybe. For me, in some aspects I have been healthier than ever - I feel I have a more worldly perspective on life that has made me calmer (or is it fatigue?), more mature (resignation?), and generally more mentally robust.


But, what you are not told, or even made remotely aware of is the flip-side of the coin. Forget all the things that can happen to you during childbirth and as a direct physical of childbirth. I am talking about the health issues that are caused by childbirth or arise as a result of the physical changes to your hormones.

In my case, the first health challenge has been with regards to my Thyroid. Specifically having a thyroid that has just decided to cease all operations and shut up shop. Which is a bit of a problem given the thyroid produces the hormones necessary for the efficient and effective regulation of ones brain activity, heart, and metabolism. And apparently it is not uncommon for women who have had children to suddenly have an underactive Thyroid (or hypothyroid). But try getting a doctor to diagnose this condition when you have a 6month old child, a 2year old toddler and are feeling tired, mentally fuzzy, have no memory and can't shift that baby weight. "Oh, that is just what it is like being a mother to two small children" is what a lot of people say and think. And I was one of them! So how do you get a condition like this diagnosed?

For me, it was actually my optometrist who noticed all was not as it should be. I was in to get a routine check up and to figure out why my contact lenses were annoying me. So she took a photo of my eye. I had to pay $40 for it as it wasn't covered by the government rebate, but I am sooo glad I did. Way up high, in the right hand corner of the photo, was a cluster of red stars - except they weren't red stars at all. They were haemmorrages that had taken place. Calmly yet confidently she recommended I see my doctor for a check up. Causes for such haemmorraging can include high blood pressure among other things - and as hypertension is common in my family then that was top of the list.

So to the doctor I went and after testing my blood pressure (150 over 100) which was way high, asking questions about what I was eating (I was over-weight and the answer was tuna), and checking my eyes, she ordered a blood test. Low and behold, my thryoid count came back so low my thyroid was practically dead!

Inspired that it wasn't just me, and motivated to take matters in hand, I decided to research what it means to have an underactive thyroid, and was educated by several sources - there is a wealth of information out there that can help the non-doctor really take control of their condition and change their lifestyle so being hypoactive is easily managed. Mary Shomon is a prolific author and a great source of information as are so many other websites that are easily accessed. There are some great books available online as well.

Suffice to say, since the diagnosis (I have Hashimoto's Disease) and several increases in medication later, I am feeling like a different person - or more particularly, a better me. Upon reflection, I seriously wonder what kind of mother I could have been (not to mention a wife!) if I had continued to feel soooo lethargic, moody, weepy, befuddled and just crappy. And as I said earlier, hypoactive thyroidism is more common than you think, and is estimated to affect 1 in 15 women. So that is a lot of friends and family of those women that are suffering too!

So I encourage all women to do yourself a favour and get that simple blood test done and have your thyroid checked. Don't be a matyr. Don't think your health should come second to everyone else. Get it done and get better.

Travelling Without Ears - Travels in France

Thought I would link up an older blog of mine.
Had a great time writing it and look forward to re-reading it!

www.travellingwithoutears.zoomshare.com

Back in the game

I have decided that 2010 is going to be a GREAT year. Totally. No exceptions!
First in line for greatness is going to be moi. I know this may sound a tad conceited but after spending the last 3 years with my 'life' on hold, I think I need to do a critical self-assessment and start ticking some boxes. So:

1. Health - underactive thyroid is now under control, but need to take it to the next level and get the rest of myself back on track. Fear not, this is not going to be a diet blog! Yawn!
2. Mobility - having conquered the demons around my fear of driving, I now have my L's and am about to go for my provisional licence. Really looking forward to it and have a sneaking suspicion that this liberation from immobility will bring a few surprises...
3. Education - I need to enrol in and complete some form of tertiary study. I am feeling quite stagnant in the area of self-development and am really quite sick of myself talking and thinking about going back to study but doing f-all about it. Sick of it!

Okay. Now that is out there in black and white there are no excuses.

Secondly, THE HOUSE! Given we are in the throws of renovating, there is a mountain-load of work to be done around the finer details. You know, the place where the devil is said to reside. So I need to dedicate 5 hours a week minimum on looking at finishings, tiles, paint colours, window treatments etc etc so it doesn't catch me off guard and throw me in a tizz when the time comes to actually 'finish' the house.

Thirdly, PAID WORK. I am still undecided as to whether I want to work for the money (so who cares what I do) or get back on that career ladder (so I want to love my job). Then throw in my desire to get a book published (where will I have the time amongst reno's, looking after two children under 3, and working) and start an online business and I get confused. But I do need to muddle through this otherwise I will get that annoying ricochet of white noise in my head that starts up when I have too much to think about but don't actually do anything about it. Are we sensing a recurring theme here? :)

So, 2010 is going to be big. And on top of it all, there is a fantastic life to be lived so I think I will have my work cut out. But as they say, big risks = big rewards, and there is no reward for a life half-lived.