In Sickness and In Health Part II

There are some words that should just never be uttered together.
Like Cheese in a Can. Chop-Chop Chicken. Tuna Milkshake. See, they are all wrong wrong wrong and make you feel a little bit off. But these are also a little bit funny and it would not be unusual for someone to barf yet laugh when they see them together.

Then there are the other word couplings that are really really gut-wrenching. Stomach-churning. At the completely other end of the spectrum and are so life-changing and shocking you really really don't want to see them together. At all. Ever.

Cancer and Children.

I am lucky in that I have never had to personally face the big C, and have never had anyone in my immediate family stand under that shadow. But that infamous 6-degrees-of-separation just became 1 degree when one of my closest and dearest friends dropped an absolute bombshell over the phone and told me her beautiful, cheeky, lively daughter had a malignant tumour and was being operated on in two days. I can't imagine how she actually got the strength to pick up the phone and start telling her family what her world has been forced to face.

My immediate reaction in situations of high stress is to laugh or cry - apparently physiologically there is no difference. This time I did neither. It was as if time stood still and so many thoughts flashed through my head. How would I feel if it was me? How unfair of this to happen to such a great family. How on earth do you explain to a three-year-old what is happening to them? How do you keep it together so they don't get scared? What happens to the dynamics of the family now? What about the other children, how will they cope? How do you keep yourself from thinking the worst and hoping for the best? What would I do if this happened to me? How do you keep from locking yourself in your room and just cry-cry-crying at the unfairness of it all?

It is early stages and as yet the cancer has no label. But this is the age of the internet and with that there should be a warning - google all you like but you may not like what comes back. To be honest, there is no liking what you see when you google cancer. And it is a bit black to then think to yourself "oh, I hope it is this one and not that one". You don't get a choice and you are a fool for thinking you do.

Then I had to face that strangest of moments when I was digesting this information - as unpaletable as all hell - and I hear the most gorgeous sound a mother can hear. Her children laughing and giggling and playing together. It was surreal - I was standing with all these thoughts in my head yet what I was seeing was the most beautiful sight. The most beautiful sound. And then I thought the worst thought ever, inevitable as it was. Thank god it wasn't happening to my child.

My dear friend, I am so sorry you are facing this challenge. I am sorry your world has just experienced a seismic shift and your foundation has turned to quicksand. And I am sorry I thought that thought. I feel like a traitor to our friendship and I just wish I could make everything ok. But I can't. All I can offer you is the knowledge that I will always be honest with you and not extol false platitudes. I meant it when I said to call any time. I need to know that I can help in some way, any way, to make up for this guilt that I feel.

And to make up for my anger that something like this is happening to such a wonderful family.

In Sickness and In Health Part I

There are many romantic notions about motherhood. Primary among them is the idea that once you have a child then the female body has finally done what it was born to do and you will be fitter and healthier than ever before.


Well, maybe. For me, in some aspects I have been healthier than ever - I feel I have a more worldly perspective on life that has made me calmer (or is it fatigue?), more mature (resignation?), and generally more mentally robust.


But, what you are not told, or even made remotely aware of is the flip-side of the coin. Forget all the things that can happen to you during childbirth and as a direct physical of childbirth. I am talking about the health issues that are caused by childbirth or arise as a result of the physical changes to your hormones.

In my case, the first health challenge has been with regards to my Thyroid. Specifically having a thyroid that has just decided to cease all operations and shut up shop. Which is a bit of a problem given the thyroid produces the hormones necessary for the efficient and effective regulation of ones brain activity, heart, and metabolism. And apparently it is not uncommon for women who have had children to suddenly have an underactive Thyroid (or hypothyroid). But try getting a doctor to diagnose this condition when you have a 6month old child, a 2year old toddler and are feeling tired, mentally fuzzy, have no memory and can't shift that baby weight. "Oh, that is just what it is like being a mother to two small children" is what a lot of people say and think. And I was one of them! So how do you get a condition like this diagnosed?

For me, it was actually my optometrist who noticed all was not as it should be. I was in to get a routine check up and to figure out why my contact lenses were annoying me. So she took a photo of my eye. I had to pay $40 for it as it wasn't covered by the government rebate, but I am sooo glad I did. Way up high, in the right hand corner of the photo, was a cluster of red stars - except they weren't red stars at all. They were haemmorrages that had taken place. Calmly yet confidently she recommended I see my doctor for a check up. Causes for such haemmorraging can include high blood pressure among other things - and as hypertension is common in my family then that was top of the list.

So to the doctor I went and after testing my blood pressure (150 over 100) which was way high, asking questions about what I was eating (I was over-weight and the answer was tuna), and checking my eyes, she ordered a blood test. Low and behold, my thryoid count came back so low my thyroid was practically dead!

Inspired that it wasn't just me, and motivated to take matters in hand, I decided to research what it means to have an underactive thyroid, and was educated by several sources - there is a wealth of information out there that can help the non-doctor really take control of their condition and change their lifestyle so being hypoactive is easily managed. Mary Shomon is a prolific author and a great source of information as are so many other websites that are easily accessed. There are some great books available online as well.

Suffice to say, since the diagnosis (I have Hashimoto's Disease) and several increases in medication later, I am feeling like a different person - or more particularly, a better me. Upon reflection, I seriously wonder what kind of mother I could have been (not to mention a wife!) if I had continued to feel soooo lethargic, moody, weepy, befuddled and just crappy. And as I said earlier, hypoactive thyroidism is more common than you think, and is estimated to affect 1 in 15 women. So that is a lot of friends and family of those women that are suffering too!

So I encourage all women to do yourself a favour and get that simple blood test done and have your thyroid checked. Don't be a matyr. Don't think your health should come second to everyone else. Get it done and get better.

Travelling Without Ears - Travels in France

Thought I would link up an older blog of mine.
Had a great time writing it and look forward to re-reading it!

www.travellingwithoutears.zoomshare.com

Back in the game

I have decided that 2010 is going to be a GREAT year. Totally. No exceptions!
First in line for greatness is going to be moi. I know this may sound a tad conceited but after spending the last 3 years with my 'life' on hold, I think I need to do a critical self-assessment and start ticking some boxes. So:

1. Health - underactive thyroid is now under control, but need to take it to the next level and get the rest of myself back on track. Fear not, this is not going to be a diet blog! Yawn!
2. Mobility - having conquered the demons around my fear of driving, I now have my L's and am about to go for my provisional licence. Really looking forward to it and have a sneaking suspicion that this liberation from immobility will bring a few surprises...
3. Education - I need to enrol in and complete some form of tertiary study. I am feeling quite stagnant in the area of self-development and am really quite sick of myself talking and thinking about going back to study but doing f-all about it. Sick of it!

Okay. Now that is out there in black and white there are no excuses.

Secondly, THE HOUSE! Given we are in the throws of renovating, there is a mountain-load of work to be done around the finer details. You know, the place where the devil is said to reside. So I need to dedicate 5 hours a week minimum on looking at finishings, tiles, paint colours, window treatments etc etc so it doesn't catch me off guard and throw me in a tizz when the time comes to actually 'finish' the house.

Thirdly, PAID WORK. I am still undecided as to whether I want to work for the money (so who cares what I do) or get back on that career ladder (so I want to love my job). Then throw in my desire to get a book published (where will I have the time amongst reno's, looking after two children under 3, and working) and start an online business and I get confused. But I do need to muddle through this otherwise I will get that annoying ricochet of white noise in my head that starts up when I have too much to think about but don't actually do anything about it. Are we sensing a recurring theme here? :)

So, 2010 is going to be big. And on top of it all, there is a fantastic life to be lived so I think I will have my work cut out. But as they say, big risks = big rewards, and there is no reward for a life half-lived.